Casualty Report

Sunday, May 17, 2009 at 5:20 AM


Chief Physicist's Log, Stardate 170509:

We've landed. Everyone is dead, bar myself and the Captain. We've made a basecamp on the top of a primitive structure and settled into a defensible position. No indigenous life detected yet, bar plants. We can only hope that none of them are carnivorous.

There were some technical difficulties after landing. Well, before landing too. The A.C.R.I.M.O.N.I.O.U.S. engine spluttered out approximately 72 hours ago, flicking off on the LED before it all went dark. That machine always had a bad attitude.



And now everyone's gone. Ensor - bastard owed me money. Wallace - bastard slept with my girlfriend, Ellen. Dwyer - bastard never flushed the toilet. Ellen - slept with that bastard, Wallace. So many other faces that I can remember. They seemed nice, I just didn't want to know them at all. Once you do that, you fall in with a crowdy, you know? Christ.  

It's nighttime here, but the sun will rise soon. Best estimates on the repair of the ship put F.F.A. (full functionality achieved) at 996.9 years. I R.O. (remain optimistic) that will come down on re-analysis.

A.C.R.I.M.O.N.I.O.U.S. Engine

at 4:58 AM

Accelerated Convergence Reactor Intelligent Matrix Orientation and Navigation Interdimensional-Oscillator Unity System Engine

Description

Affectionately known as "Achey-moany-arse" due to noise created by the friction from the interdimensional resonance barrier adsorption, which creates a unique, somehow familiar and universally irritating whine.

History

Built in August of 2007.

Engine

  • Engine Builder: Tdriton Dynamics
  • Type: TdA.C.R.I.M.O.N.I.O.U.S.
  • Horsepower: 6.022x10^23
  • Maximum Speed: 6.022x10^23km/s (coincidentally)
  • No. Differnt Alan Keys Needed: 83569
  • Avg. No. Fatalities/Engine Construction: 148
  • Reliability: 1 failure per 12 million units
  • Flatpack option: Yes